Angolan Jai-Alai Team Disqualified from World Meet of Champions
June 16, 2009
DUBAI- Move over, Phil Neikro.
Although all leading jai alai teams will be heading to Kuala Lumpur in approximately 2 weeks, the IJAFC (International Jai Alai Federation of Competitors), the sport’s main governing body, handed down a ruling to the manager of the Angolan National Team, Jove Partridge. Partridge has been accused of doctoring the balls so thus they can travel at speeds of over 378 km/h, which is around 75 km/h faster than the fastest recorded speed ever a pelota. They also sought to increase the density of the pelota, with a doctored balls mass weighing 149 grams, while the doctored pelota’s circumference was decreased by .25 of an inch. This was in an effort to utterly bamboozle their main rival, the #9 ranked team in the world, South Papua New Guinea, home base for the team the Agricultural Gymnasium in Port Moresby, the captial of New Guinea. In case you were wondering, North Papua New Guinea is a dissident from the IJAFC, and has begun playing by their own rules as of June 4, 1984.
Leading jai alai commentators Tom Durkin and Suzyn Waldman have expressed concerns over this revelation that the pelotas were doctored. Durkin attributes the scandal to ‘lax standards and examinations on part of the IJAFC.’ Waldman fainted before we could reach her ivory tower for comment, but in her lastest ESPN interview, she expressed her outrage at the incidents by saying “OH MY GOODNESS GRACIOUS!”
To preview the World Meet, a possible quarterfinal in the 32 team bracket could include an intruiging match-up between 4th seeded Djibouti, and 5th seeded Brazil. Perhaps the most supising qualifiers are 16th seeded Principality of Sealand, which does not have proper jai alai facilities, and in the view of Durkin, the awarding of the 2nd seed to Vatican City, with Pope Benedict XVI as spiritual adivsor, is most suprising; Durkin expected a middle-teens seeding. Sealand will meet 17th seeded Liechtenstein, while Vatican City will play 31st seeded Russia, who is missing star and captain Dimitriv Pevyevichev.
Complete first round matchups, dates, times (In Eastern Daylight Time), and locations: (1) Croatia vs. (32) France, July 2, 0800 hours, Beijing; (2) Vatican City vs. (31) Russia, July 6, 1600 hours, Liverpool; (3) Hungary vs. (30) Portugal, July 1, 1000 hours, Novosibirsk; (4) Djibouti vs. (29) Sweden, July 5, 0700 hours, Dhaka; (5) Brazil vs. (28) Philippines, June 30, 2000 hours, Boise; (6) China vs. (27) Laos, July 3, 1700 hours, Asunción; (7) Iceland vs. (26) North Korea, July 4, 1000 hours, Chisinau; (8) Kazakhstan vs. (25) Nigeria, July 7, 1000 hours, Pretoria; (9) South Papua New Guinea vs. (24) Scotland, July 7, 1400 hours, Pretoria; (10) Cuba vs. (23) Finland, July 4, 1400 hours, Chisinau; (11) Austria vs. (22) Pakistan, July 3, 2100 hours, Asunción; (12) Turkey vs. (21) Namibia, (July 1 EDT, June 30 Boise time), 0000 hours, Boise; (13) Australia vs. (20) Denmark, July 5, 1100 hours, Dhaka; (14) Chad vs. (19) Albania, July 1, 0600 hours, Novosibirsk; (15) Iraq vs. (18) Egypt, July 6, 1230 hours, Lverpool; (16) Principality of Sealand vs. (17) Liechtenstein, July 2, 0400 hours, Beijing. Of course, stay tuned to FAIRLY UNBALANCED for the latest developments leading up to and during the Jai Alai Wolrd Meet of Champions.
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