Bader Ginsburg Has Scurvy, Brian Ross questioned
June 14, 2009
WASHINGTON, D.C.- Ruth Bader Ginsburg, the liberal justice of the Supreme Court, has contracted scurvy, according to reports filed to the Capital Hospital of Washington.Her doctor, R. Paul Bolzer says that the reason for contraction was ‘excessive time aboard the steerage compartment of a ship.’ Although various calls to the other members of the Ginsburg family have been replaced, none have been returned as of 1755 hours on 14.06.09.
Theories by many justice and investigative correspondents such as Pete Williams from NBC and Brian Ross from ABC, respectively, are mixed, but the leading hypothesis is that an anti-feminist is the culprit, as most likely this person, most likely a old white male, protesting the the nomination of Sonia Sotomayor. So yes, what we are saying is that someone in fact placed the disease on a ship for her.
Ginsburg was nominated by Bill Clinton in 1993, and now, another liberal justice is to be picked, due to a statue in the rules of the Supreme Court. Section LII(A) Subset 64.2.4 states that “any justice having or have contracted a foreign or eradicated virus to the United States shall be excuse of their duties to the Supreme Court of the United States.” This was added in 1918, to combat justices contracting Spanish influenza.
Possible candidates for this suprising opening in the Supreme Court include Chuck Norris, Mitch McConnell, and Tom Libous (R-NY), who is at the head of the New York State Senate Coup, which is now in its 7th day as of Flag Day 2009. However, President Obama may go with Jay Nixon (D-MO), to bring an aura of the 1970’s back to Washington. Fairly-Unbalanced’s talks with formerly disposed NBC correspondent Tom Brokaw have habored a sense that even the former President of South Africa, Nelson Mandela, who will turn 91 on July 18th, may be given a thought due to meeting President Obama’s qualification of ‘judicial empathy’. In the end though, time will tell.
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